Watch external influences and how they affect you internally. If a co-worker is having a bad day, don’t let your day take the same route. If you’ve started with a great day let it end that way–despite what someone else around you is experiencing. It is not okay for someone else’s bad day to ruin yours, either show a sense of humor and laugh it off or remind yourself you’re in charge of your emotional responses. If you’re a prime target for people to come and complain, try curbing the temptation by politely saying you have a project or business that needs attention.
The more you understand yourself, the more you’re in control. If you’re easily set off by other people, adapting your response may be very helpful in bringing about the outcomes you want. If someone at work always seems to know exactly what buttons to push and you’re left wondering how it is you lose control or are easily set off, try adjusting your approach. Allowing others to set you off essentially says someone else knows you better than you know yourself.
Even if you’re not the boss, reward behavior you want to see repeated. Whenever you encounter a behavior you want to see more often, make a point to praise it. The more a behavior is conditioned, the more it is likely to be repeated. If a person makes a good suggestion, does a nice deed or puts forth a great deal of effort toward something, take time to offer praise. Anyone appreciates hearing good remarks, and genuine comments mean a lot.
Ignore behavior that you don’t want to see repeated. If you’re focusing on behaviors you want to see repeated, ignoring ones you don’t like will offer subtle hints of disapproval. Silence can have an impact whether you realize it or not. The only exceptions should be behaviors that are unacceptable or destructive to the organization. These scenarios warrant a discussion with the employer and should be reported to your immediate supervisor. Remember, you didn’t ask to be put in a situation to witness this type of behavior and if a colleague is careless or inconsiderate enough to display this in front of you, s/he shouldn’t go as far to expect you to look the other way. Additionally, you don’t want to be discovered at some point having observed blatant unacceptable workplace behavior and not have taken proper action. Let the behavior be about the person exhibiting it, not about you.
Confront a behavior that has rubbed you the wrong way or was unnecessary in private. Embarrassing someone in front of others introduces another element and takes away the importance of the issue. Dealing with an issue in private helps to make the discussion about the issue at hand. Even if the person has publicly embarrassed you, resist the temptation to return the favor. Challenging someone in public or out in the open for others to hear won’t do a single thing to stop the behavior. Always opt for a private discussion and remember to treat the person in a way you would like to be treated. If the behavior has somehow angered you to the point you don’t feel you can have a civil conversation, wait until you have collected yourself from the incident.
Approach a confrontation by asking, not telling. Ask questions using “how” and “what.” “Why” can encourage defensiveness or cause a person to feel s/he needs to justify an action. “How” and “what” are open ended questions that are less threatening and establish a format for exchanging information. “How” and “what” allows your question to appear you are trying to understand a person from his/her perspective. “Why” makes it seem a person owes you an explanation.
As difficult as it may be at times, remember not to take a colleague’s behavior too seriously. In the big picture your own behavior is what counts and being caught up in someone else’s won’t benefit you in the long run. Act, not react to situations. By trying some of these approaches you will help yourself not be bothered by difficult colleagues and have a better way to handle awkward situations.
